However, due to the recent cancellations and trans-seasonal hiatuses of all my favorite shows, I was forced to turn to my friends for recommendations. And to my dread, they requested I start watching a certain competition regarding royal sitting-places.
Finally, I caved.
Let's talk about Episode 1, Winter is Coming.
We begin with three men on horseback waiting for a gate to open. Clearly, they are on a fantastic, fast-paced adventure. Just look at the joy on their faces. I feel the same way, guys!
They travel through a long tunnel before emerging on the other side to find themselves in a snowy forest. They split up, exploring the untouched wilderness until one of them spots some smoke rising from the ground not too far away. He gets off his horse and creeps up behind a snow bank to investigate.
He stumbles upon this.
And this.
Naturally, he gets a little spooked by the corpse pieces scattered about the ground like they're some kind of macabre conceptual art exhibit. He gets on his horse and rides back to meet his comrades and tell them of the ghoulish scene. One of his allies posits that this is hardly noteworthy. "Wildlings," as these people were apparently called, are savages who would slaughter each other over a stolen goat.
He tells them that they have to investigate further because their superiors are going to want to know how the Wildlings died, apparently forgetting that he just told them, with unwavering confidence, that he is sure they killed each other over a petty dispute. He also makes it clear that if the others don't help him, they will be beheaded as deserters.
When they get back to the site where the corpses were, they find it empty. The seemingly self-appointed leader tells our friend to go find the corpses (LOL). The bearded man finds what looks like a chunk of meat or entrails in the snow. The leader is distracted by it and this guy comes up behind him and attacks him with a sword.
Meanwhile, out in the woods, our friend finds one of the corpses actually *is* out there, walking around and everything!
For some reason, he runs away and meets up with the bearded man, who is running away from the monster who attacked their leader. But the monster quickly catches up and beheads the bearded man, before tossing his head at our hero.
We jump ahead to our hero being surrounded by men on horseback in a field. Apparently, he's being captured as a deserter. So Ned Stark, Lord of Winterfell, is called in to behead him, and our hero is surprisingly fine with this outcome, though he wants to make it known that he saw a White Walker.
Ned doesn't believe him because White Walkers have reportedly been dead for thousands of years, and he chops our hero's head off. I guess it's true that anyone can die on this show. R.I.P. nameless hobo Night's Watchman.
Anyway, Ned asks his son (Oh yeah, he brought his son, Bran, along to watch him execute a guy. So metal.) if he knows why he had to behead the man himself. His son doesn't know, so Ned clues him in. He says that the man who gives the sentence should be the one to swing the sword.
That seems like sound reasoning. I like it when a single person gets to wield all the power. It makes things simpler and more efficient. It's the perfect system. Why don't we do that?
So on their way back into town, they find some dire wolf pups eating a deer carcass. They find this odd, because there are no dire wolves past the ice wall that keeps the
And each Stark child gets a dire wolf pup.
Cut to King's Landing. Queen Cersei and her brother are having a chat about the recently deceased adviser to the King. Apparently, he knew something that the two of them don't want getting out. Something that the King could have them both killed for. You know, just average sibling stuff.
Later on, Bran's mother catches him climbing a wall. She scolds him for doing so, making him promise not to do it again. He promises, but his mother isn't fooled. Then she tells him to run along. Great parenting. But hey, what kind of trouble could climbing walls possibly get him into?
The King comes out and asks to speak with Ned in private. He explains that he wants Ned to run the kingdom, so he can party it up without needing to worry about making his own decisions while he has a wicked bad hangover. But they aren't related by blood, which is a problem for some reason.
This guy realizes he's the one who makes the rules, right? No matter. Because now we're going to Pentos, across the Narrow Sea, where Daenerys Targaryen and her brother Viserys Targaryen are staying and preparing Daenerys for her upcoming wedding. Mostly, though, Viserys is just being a creep.
I'm not joking, though. Like, a real fucking creep. Just as an example, he moans as she touches a fabric sample he's holding. Really bizarre. Oh yeah, and this happens:
Emilia Clark! Have some modesty! This is a family show!
Anyway, the guy she's supposed to marry is called Drogo, and he is the chieftain of the
In other words, it was a great success! But there's one small problem. Daenerys doesn't want to marry a brutal warlord!
But Viserys doesn't really care about that. He just wants to be the king, which he claims is his birthright, and he would do anything to get it.
But nevermind that! There's a party going on in Winterfell! A girl walks up to Queen Cersei and... doesn't say anything. She just kind of stands there awkwardly.
Luckily, Cersei knows exactly how to break the tension.
Tactful as ever, Queen. We could all stand to learn something from you.
Meanwhile, back in Pentos, Daenerys and Drogo are being wed. She gets some nice gifts, like history books and dragon eggs. Man, I bet she's going to eat SO MANY OMELETS!
But after the festivities are done, it's time to consummate the marriage. Daenerys is not too keen on the idea, and things end up getting a little rapey. Qapla'!
But back in Winterfell, Bran is stirring up some trouble of his own! Oh Bran, back to climbing those walls, are you, you little rascal!
Soon, Bran hears a call to adventure! What's going on up there, he wonders.
He climbs a little bit higher to peer in the window and...
What's this! Queen Cersei and her brother are having an affair? Quickly, Jaime Lannister bolts up and grabs Bran by the shirt and...
And pushes Bran out the window. But hey, he should have listened to his mom. Remember kids, if you don't listen to your mom, you WILL get pushed out of a window. Plus snooping is bad. The kid had it coming, really.
We sure did learn a lot today. We learned how to blend into snowy terrain. We learned about the consequences of running away from monsters who want to kill you. (The state kills you instead.) We learned about how to break the ice (Get it? Because Winterfell?) at parties. We learned about marriage. We even learned about disobedience and spying, and why they're bad.
QUESTIONS:
...Which bodily fluid do you normally ask people about at parties?...Why do you think the Night's Watchman ran away from the animated corpse in the woods?
...Have you ever been caught having sex with a family member? Did you push the snoop out of a window?
...Was your wedding night as magical as Daenerys' was?
i love this blog, please keep watching and writing!!! This is one of my favorite shows of all time. YOU NEED TO KEEP WRITING oh and GET CAUGHT UP ON THE SHOW! there is no way it took you this many years per episode for this blog. LOOOOVVVVEEE IT!!!
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