Let's talk about episode 2, The Kingsroad.
We open with the Dothraki, who are traveling in a very slow, very orderly, single-file line through the plains, away from Pentos. It's like I always say. Even if you're a barbarian horde, it's very important to mind your manners. Cutting in line is just plain rude.
Upon reaching camp, Viserys is approached by his adviser, who informs him that he can still return to Pentos and live in comfort while the Dothraki go on ahead. Viserys declines, saying that he wants to make sure that the Dothraki make good on their promise of an army. Smart move on his part, I think. After all, if the brutal, warlike perople don't do what he says, he needs to be there to give them a stern talking-to personally. That'll keep 'em in line.
It is also mentioned that the adviser was a wanted by the law. He had been caught selling some poachers, who had been trespassing on his property, to a slaver. Under Ned Stark's rule, he could be beheaded for that, but under Viserys he's good to go. So I guess that's one reason for the adviser to be loyal to Viserys.
Meanwhile in Winterfell, Tyrion Lannister, the dwarf brother to Jaime Lannister and Queen Cersei, wakes up in a pen full of animals. Classic Tyrion.
Tyrion was introduced in the first episode, but I glossed over his parts, primarily because his major role in that episode was giving Winterfell's Red Light District enough of an economic boost to declare independence from the rest of the city. I kid, I kid. But seriously, the man's got an addiction on his hands. He should talk to a psychologist.
Anyway, he looks up to see his nephew Prince Joffrey hanging outside the pen. Tyrion reminds the Prince to go offer his sympathies to the Lord and Lady Stark whose son Bran, as you may remember, had a well-deserved tumble from the window of a tower. Joffrey, clearly being the rationalist here, is averse to this idea. It's not as though his sympathies would help anything. Good point, Joffrey.
So Tyrion slaps the shit out of him. Not cool, Tyrion. That kind of abuse could scar a fragile kid like Joffrey.
From there, Tyrion leaves to go have breakfast with his siblings. While there, the news comes up that Bran might not die from his sudden intimate knowledge of the ground. He might even wake up soon! This does not sit well with Cersei and Jaime, as he had been pushed out of the window to keep their incest a secret.
Suddenly, the two of them begin expressing how cruel it is to let him suffer, to make him live out his days as a cripple. Tyrion shoots back that he, despite being disadvantaged, actually quite enjoys life, and would not be so quick to decide to end someone else's simply because they couldn't be normal.
Soon after breakfast, Jaime goes off to find Jon Snow at the blacksmith, where he is having a sword made for him, and he decides to taunt Jon about his decision to go to Castle Black to become a member of the Night's Watch.
After that odd exchange, Jon goes to say his goodbyes to the Starks. He gives Arya a sword as a gift.
And then he talks to the still unconscious Bran about how one day he can come see the wall that the Night's Watch guards. Catelyn, Ned's wife, asks Jon to leave as Ned enters the room. Jon leaves and the Starks have an argument about Ned once coming home with a son he had with another woman.
I don't know who this guy is, but Jon says goodbye to him too.
Ned rides up with Jon and gives him a little pep talk, telling him that although he doesn't share the Stark name, he does have Stark blood, with the heavy implication that Jon is his son. Jon wants to know about his mother before he leaves, but Ned tells him they can talk about that the next time they meet.
Ned then rides away and has a picnic with King Robert. They begin to reminisce over women. Or rather, the King does. Ned isn't so keen on telling the king much about Jon's mother either.
But it's not all fun and games. The King has received word of Daenerys' wedding to Drogo, and the implication of this upsets him. He knows it means the Targaryens are planning on using the Dothraki armies to attack the throne. Ned asserts that the Dothraki, though strong, cannot cross the Narrow Sea. But the King is worried about those within his kingdom who still maintain loyalty to the Targaryens. If the Dothraki do manage to cross, they will have plenty of help already on the inside.
Oh, and speaking of the Dothraki... Is it rape o' clock already?
The director just thought you'd like to see that scene before checking back in with Jon Snow, who is having a chat with Tyrion. Tyrion explains that joining the Night's Watch means discarding your old family and acquiring a new one. In this case, that new family appears to be composed of rapists who chose guarding the wall over castration, though it is noted that they typically choose otherwise.
He also gets into a bit of his personal philosophy regarding his place in the world. As a dwarf, he would have been abandoned if born to peasants, but being a Lannister, he was allowed to live. He realizes that life can sometimes be a game of chance, so when it deals you a hand, you had damn better make the best of it, even if it's not the best one.
Back at the Stark household, Catelyn finds a man inside who, no lie, rather than trying to hide his motivations and bide his time, bluntly states that he's here to mercy kill Bran. I like this guy. He's honest and straightforward.
Catelyn tries to stop the man from stabbing Bran, and after a brief struggle, Bran's dire wolf decides to join in on the fun.
The intrusion of this man tips Catelyn off something fierce, so she goes on an investigation to the spot where Bran fell. She claws at the ground until she finds something suspicious.
A hair! Those are only ever found at crime scenes! We'd better get this sample to the lab, but first let's have a meeting.
The knife the assailant used was made of very high quality materials. Much higher quality than someone of his rank could afford. It is determined that this knife was given to him for the task, and suspicion arises that the Lannisters may be behind this. Catelyn wants to tell Ned about this, but does not trust the message to be sent via raven, so she decides to head on over to King's Landing and tell him herself.
Meanwhile, Daenerys is asking one of her servants for some relationship advice.
So you know that sex that Daenerys clearly doesn't enjoy having with Drogo? Her servant's Cosmo tip is, okay keep doing that, but keep it spicy by switching it up with the positions a little, would ya? And since Deanerys' character so far consists of doing whatever thing the people around her say to do, she agrees to it and starts taking more control in the bedroom. Which is good, maybe? I don't know. This whole thing is just a big mess of uncomfortable.
Let's talk about Sansa Stark, shall we? Apparently, she's supposed to be courting Joffrey since the King needs to be related to Ned in order to have Ned as his adviser...for some reason. Anyway, they're taking a stroll down the river when they stumble upon Sansa's little sister Arya having a fake swordfight with the butcher's boy using sticks.
Well Joffrey simply cannot have that. The butcher's boy is not a knight. He is not holding a sword. And yet, somehow, he's acting as though he *is* a knight holding a sword? What manner of sorcery is this?
Clearly, the butcher's boy must be punished. His actions simply defy all logic. Joffrey rightfully places his (real) sword on the butcher's boy's (real) cheek and (really) makes a long, slow cut across it. (For real.)
But before he can finish, the Prince is attacked by Arya.
And then her wolf runs out from the forest and attacks the poor noble Prince as well.
Then she takes his favorite sword.
And she throws it into the river.
Arya and her dire wolf quickly escape. She sets her wolf free into the wilderness.
When nightfall comes, Ned is called into court where the King and Queen are trying to dispense justice to the little delinquent who ruined Prince Joffrey's date, but Arya keeps stepping in the way of justice by trying to introduce facts. Sansa is called in as well, but she pretends that she doesn't remember what happened. It is eventually determined that the wolf must be put down, but since Arya's wolf has escaped, Sansa's wolf will be killed instead. Sounds fair. Guilty... Innocent... They're just words. A wolf gets killed, that's the important thing.
Ned insists that he kill the wolf himself, since it is from the North, like him. At the moment that Ned slits the dire wolf's neck, Bran's eyes open. He's back. And he's ready for round 2.
QUESTIONS:
Was Prince Joffrey right to decline to offer his sympathies to a grieving family?
Have you ever solved a crime by finding a hair at the scene? If so, write about it.
What would you have done differently if you were to attack a prince?
When you plan to kill a child, do you inform that child's parents of your intentions?
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